Memories

this is how i memorise things
i stare at them
i read them
i watch them
i look at them
until the things i’m staring at must start to feel uncomfortable
or flattered
at the absolute volume of my attention that they receive

lately i’ve taken to keeping a mirror near me
when i’m at home
when i’m at work
or whenever
not out of vanity
but because the person behind that reflection
is changing so rapidly
and i don’t want to lose sight of myself
i study the curve of my lips
the colour of my eyes
i spend hours in focused meditation
on my own mole
so that i can
at the least
know what i look like when i’m doing things that
another me
would never imagine

or
so i know what i look like
when i’m around you

i have to memorise you too
so i ask and ask and ask the same questions
to make sure that i get every detail
just as i’ll read a poem a dozen times
and each time find something new
each time you tell me where you’re from
what you do
your name
i find something new

and eventually i’ll have enough of you
inside my memory
that i can look in the mirror
and see me
and see you
and not see any difference